Wade and Vanessa are not the meet-cute couple that you chat with over fondue, complete with the cute story about how they met at Starbucks after her adorable teacup poodle jumped out of her purse and spilled his chai mocha latte on his lap. Wade tries to pick Vanessa up in a bar and trades off-color jokes about abusive childhoods with her, ranging from beatings to sexual abuse. From there, he buys her time with the presumption of the audience that it’s going to be used for sex. As much as Wikipedia likes to tell us that she’s an escort, let’s be blunt and face it: Vanessa is a part-time hooker, and Wade is paying her for sex. Instead of buying her body, he takes her to play Skeeball, which she jokes he likes more than vagina. With their remaining paid time of three minutes, they wisecrack and have sex, which turns into something more. Wade can joke about premature ejaculation all he likes, but he proves to her that he’s got stamina. I know: romance. It’s what every girl dreams of from the time she’s five.

This is where the film gets genius (and where I’m overanalyzing again): it gives us a chance to view the deepening relationship of the couple through the lens of sex. As they cycle through the year, this development is set to the major holidays. We get to see where they start with the first flush of a new, lustful couple, starting with racy Valentine’s Day sex on a bed of rose petals, complete with gratuitous nudity. There’s not a deep emotional investment, so we’re not getting declarations from anyone; they’re in it for the hot fucking. From there, we get to see the celebration of the Chinese New Year, showing that they’ve been together for a few months and are relaxed and playful with one another. The point of trust comes with International Women’s Day, which sees Vanessa using a strap on. Let me tell you, pegging is an act of trust as much as it is an act of sex, and it takes quite a bit of confidence in your partner for the receiver to consent to it; for Wade to even agree to try it – even if it turns out not to be his thing – is a HUGE display of his trust in Vanessa. That’s a milestone of trust that some couples don’t reach. Curiously, from here, we see them reading quietly as Lent goes by, demonstrating their happiness at simply being together in the same room. That’s a rather intimate act in and of itself, as some superficial couples can’t handle quiet time alone. To
further that, we see Vanessa get some special, playful attention on Halloween in the form of oral sex, which is so great to see in film (as there are some people out there that are opposed to it for bullshit reasons). By the time Thanksgiving rolls around, Wade tells her that he loves her, in a moment that comes off as sweet and romantic. I mean, really, what girl doesn’t want cranberry sauce smeared on her face as a man with a mouth full of mashed potatoes professes his love while plowing her? (I’m actually being serious here. I love food, and if someone fed me Thanksgiving dinner during sex and told me they loved me, I would probably get his or her name tattooed on my ass.) This all culminates around Christmas, when Wade proposes with a beautiful sentiment:

Wade: Listen, I’ve been thinking… About why we’re so good together….Well, your crazy matches my crazy big time. And, uh, we’re like two jigsaw pieces. Weird, curvy edges.

It ends with an exchange about The Empire Strikes Back and laughter. These two are perfect. And we get to see the development of their relationship one sex act at a time.That’s not to say that sex is all they have – that’s evident when Wade receives his cancer diagnosis, and how they approach the after-effects. Vanessa refuses to accept a terminal diagnosis, stating, “Surely, there is something we can do.” Wade observes, “Vanessa’s already working on plan A, B, all the way through Z. Me? I’m memorizing the details of her face. Like it’s the first time I’m seeing it. Or the last.” When life throws a curve ball, Wade focuses on the sentiment because he loves her. And just like that, we get to see what he goes through to beat his cancer. In deleted scenes, we see last-ditch treatments around the globe before he undergoes experimental procedures that turn him invincible. Then we see beatings. Then ice baths. Then oxygen deprivation. When that cures him, we see him give up life by Vanessa’s side to spare her the stigma of living with someone that looks like him, all while searching for a cure to have that life with her. For her part, Vanessa doesn’t stop looking for him, and expresses anger that he didn’t come to her sooner. And when she sees what he looks like, she acknowledges that it will take some getting used to, but is thrilled to have the man she loves back with her. Ladies and gents, this is where Deadpool becomes the smart ass love story that was advertised with judiciously-edited trailers in the United States: it really is about two people that love each other, and the lengths they go to in order to be together in this life. They may be off-kilter, but nothing in life is perfect. What matters is that when the credits roll, the bad guys have been killed with sublime snarky style and our couple is back together.

In this respect, Wade and Vanessa’s love story reflects the kind of love we all want: the one that goes the distance without thinking twice, but cares enough about the other person to inject both humor and sentiment. It’s the acceptance of who you are without batting an eyelash. It’s the happiness of being together that outweighs everything. Despite that they’re sarcastic and violent, Wade and Vanessa fit beautifully together. And at the end of the day, we all want to find that: someone that loves us, scars, wisecracks and all, regardless of who we are and what we’ve done.