You can always tell how sick I am based upon if I’m watching Clue. It was always on the television whenever I was home sick as a kid, fating it to become part of my get-well-soon ritual. Right now while I’m writing, I’m mending from bronchitis (thanks a lot, abrupt temperature change and asthma). It’s playing and helping me get better. I have a child-like love and devotion this one. Instead of going in-depth on this one and focusing on subtext, I’m just going to list out reasons why I love this movie. In no particular order, here they are:

Even as a kid, this was one of my favorite parts of the movie. Did not know how to articulate this as a kid, so I kept it to myself and just stared. Now, I kind of laugh at it and go, “Oh, Erin, even back then…” Really, though, that Camp was able to wear this with a straight face (and run in those heels, and manage to not fall out of her dress) is a massive feat. Walking in heels takes practice, man. I can also relate to keeping the gals in check no matter what you wear. For us busty chicks, the struggle is real.

Who on Earth would have put John Landis together with a movie based on a board game? It makes perfect sense, if you stop and think about what a smart ass Landis is. This is the same man that directed Animal House, The Kentucky Fried Movie and ¡Three Amigos! He gets billed as a master of horror – which he does extremely well, don’t get me wrong – but at his core, he has a wicked and raunchy sense of humor. It shows here, in everything from the innuendos to the costumes to the dialogue. Landis has a smutty, off-kilter sense of humor that just appeals. Some people just get you.

One of my favorite exchanges:

Wadsworth: It’s like the Mounties. We always get our man.
Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a MAN?!

Things are taken far too literally in this film by characters that could stand to have less alcohol and more brain cells. I love how literal the characters are. There are so many stupid interactions and one-liners, including, but not limited to:

Silly humor? Yep. Hook, line and sinker.

I love that Professor Plum can’t manage to successfully hit on anyone. His main target not only shoots him down, she has to torpedo his advances and watch them burn. From an ass grab gone wrong to a hand on the knee, he does not get the hint, and she continues to shoot him down with sass and a firm sense that it’s never going to happen. The older I get, the more I appreciate this.

I love physical comedy in all forms. Maybe I’m a really large child, but watching someone take a fall is so funny. Aside from that, though, this one managed to take the joke beyond the easy falls. The slurping of the soup. The thumping sound made when the cook’s body drops. Wadsworth shouting and getting hit with the candlestick. My personal favorite is the gong. This joke lasts all of 15 seconds, but I cackle every time I see it. I am that klutzy; I would totally send a glass of champagne sailing when startled. It’s funny because it’s me.

After watching this one multiple times, the murders all make sense, regardless of which ending is selected. Now is it completely perfect? Nope. But it’s close, and that’s good enough for me. High five.

Fast talking. Varying facial expressions. Wadsworth’s run. For god’s sake, WADSWORTH’S RUN! I cannot put into words how much glee I feel at watching Tim Curry do that strange little run around the house. Pepper that run with mocking the other characters, and it’s magic. Come on, he gets to slap around Mrs. Peacock. The man is my hero.

The set is awesome. I would kill for a pool table like that. And a library like that. And a ballroom. Now I want to go check out real estate….

This may be obvious, but I will still list it because it’s funny as hell. It stays.

Remember how I said “in no particular order” earlier? Yeah, I take that back. The best goes last. I love and adore the singing telegram girl’s murder. Come on, it’s a chance to watch one of The Go-Gos get shot (just kidding – people, please don’t kill Jane Wiedlin). It takes less than 30 seconds of screen time before she is shot, and yet this is the one that I will rewind over and over and over again. It will instantly lift my mood. In fact, that might have to be a tone for incoming text messages, now that I think about it.

Is it childish that I have a movie I watch every time I get sick? Most likely. But it’s my ritual, and I’m willing to bet I’m not alone. Some people have pillows, hot baths or chicken soup; perhaps they have all three together. I have my couch and Clue. Clue will forever be one of the things that makes me feel better.