Writer Jon Brown takes pains to make Bruce a good guy, so much that he becomes almost asexual. Bruce is a former salsa dancer that stopped due to bullying; therefore, we know that he’s sensitive and doesn’t believe in himself. This translates into his relationships, as his sister Sam (the ever-wonderful Olivia Colman, who could probably read Charles Dickens aloud and make it entertaining) points out that he hasn’t had a girlfriend since the 90s. Call me crazy, but 20 years is a long time to go without a relationship or sex, and we’re left to deduce that this stems from Bruce’s appearance and shyness. Bruce does indeed appear shy and lacking in confidence, as he expresses interest in the beautiful Julia (Rashida Jones) by declaring her, “from Planet Beautiful, way out of my league” and “she’s like a ten; I’m a two.” Bruce thinks he has nothing to bring to the table because he feels unattractive, and it’s reinforced with Drew’s snarky comments about his weight and appearance. Sam, for her part, suggests that he “salsa [his] way in,” which implies that he needs to use his talents to win Julia over rather than his looks; effectively, if Bruce wants a shot, he’s got to rely on something else to get his foot in the door. As if this isn’t bad enough, Bruce later declares that he hopes that Julia falls in love with him. He doesn’t say that he wants to sleep with her; in this respect, he’s not afforded the chance to express sexual attraction. The script doesn’t have him saying much about her body outside of her pretty face; it’s as though the only sexual attraction this character is allowed to feel takes place above the neck. While this is sweet – because really, who wouldn’t want someone to pay attention to a brain and personality over a body in a perfect world? – this completely robs Bruce of the human attribute of wanting to engage in sex. Like it or not, people get attracted to the exterior of other people; it’s natural. I know some pretty sweet, personable guys that will admit to taking notice of a love interest’s physical appearance, despite how respectful or nice they are toward the woman in question; this makes them normal human beings. We don’t get that at all with Bruce. Bruce, in this respect, is rather safe: he’s not going to objectify Julia at all, which is a bit of an overcorrection, and one that has poor roots. Bruce does not feel confident to go after the girl – who will presumably want to have sex – because he’s beaten down over his appearance. Does it not surprise you that the overweight man is urged to use his personality and skills to get the girl over the thought that this woman very well may find him attractive? Even his sister rejects this notion, reinforcing that society somehow thinks that an overweight man can’t be physically attractive. Thus, Bruce has to be a perfect mental specimen of The Nice Guy: he can’t want sex because that objectifies Julia, and according to the way he’s written, he is unworthy of having that physical connection based upon his exterior, so he isn’t even going to try.

O’Dowd’s Drew, on the other hand, is the complete opposite: a hyper-sexualized specimen of masculinity, whose attitudes reflect the social perception and rewards for his conventional attractiveness. Drew is painted as the put-together, handsome lothario that can get a woman to fall into bed with him, complete with slender physique, a crop of wavy hair, and a pressed suit. Because he has these physical qualities, he’s allowed to be crass throughout the film, despite that we think he’s an asshole. He insinuates that only an ugly woman would want to run a business that specializes in machinery, then goes on to suggest to Bruce in the same breath, “That’d be perfect for you.” In Drew’s mind, women that look like Julia belong with men that look like him, and women that are more masculine (read: not deemed physically attractive in the broader social sense) in appearance are better suited to someone less conventionally handsome like Bruce. He’s stopping short of explicitly stating, “Fat guys get the ugly girls and guys like me get to bang the hot chicks.” In fact, Drew makes a point of this by further by acknowledging that Bruce is attracted to Julia, telling him, “You can look, but don’t touch ’cause it’d be embarrassing. Leave it to the experts.” In this sentence, he insinuates that Bruce not only shouldn’t want to sleep with her, but that it’s completely outside the realm of possibility for Bruce to have any sexual experience, let alone with a beautiful woman. Then there’s the beautiful nugget he drops during Bruce’s video presentation: “This is exactly what I think of when I’m trying not to ejaculate too quickly.” The thought of Bruce doing something mundane like talking is used as a sexual turn-off. The worst part? For the bulk of the film, no one challenges Drew. We don’t get to see anyone pushing him away or storming off in offense. No one calls him an asshole, and no one tells Bruce, “Why wouldn’t you be able to go out with Julia? You’re cute. Get in there and give it a go.” We see a guy that’s allowed to keep acting like this – cutting down someone he feels is less attractive – and everyone around him fucking accepts it. It’s not a surprise that the audience despises Drew – that point is made clear in the film. We don’t like this guy, and we hate his actions. One could argue that he’s there to draw a contrast to our true hero. However, Drew’s insults don’t get corrected by anyone else in the film. The one instance that comes remotely close to a smack down is Julia’s rejection of his over-the-top play for sex. That’s it, and it’s treated as a consent issue rather than her openly defending Bruce. Not once does someone tell Bruce that it’s okay for him to want a beautiful woman, and that he can get her because he’s got physical merit. It’s up to Bruce to use his skills to win the girl, and the silence on any affirmations of physical attractiveness are equally as damning as Drew openly slamming the guy, making everyone around Bruce just as bad for buying into this notion.

Let’s have a frank conversation: Frost is not a tiny guy, and somehow, that’s supposed make this character into someone who is undatable. I’m calling bullshit on this right now. I run the gamut on attraction, but I particularly find guys that have extra weight attractive, and so do many other women I know. If they’re hairy… good god, just take my phone number now. Point is, I don’t find most of the guys on magazine covers all that attractive, and I’m not the only person in this boat by a long shot. I know other women (and men for that matter) that are attracted to men that look like Nick Frost, and he doesn’t even have to open his mouth once to demonstrate what a nice guy he is in order to get his foot in the door. He’s cute; I’ve thought that since Shaun of the Dead. Great eyes, wicked smile. The question this begs, then, is one that many don’t want to ask because it makes them uncomfortable in terms of what society expects us to believe: why do we perpetuate this notion that our men have to be these slender (or muscled) creatures in order to be deemed worthy of physical attraction and sexual desire? What is it that renders Bruce unable to attract someone, let alone a conventionally beautiful woman like Julia? Why can’t a heavyset man be an object of desire? Take one look at that smile he gives her when they bump into each other and tell me that there’s not something attractive there. Worse yet, Bruce isn’t allowed to be sexual – he has to go the route of feelings in order to have a chance at this woman; he needs to declare that he wants Julia to love him, as a type of dependability to somehow make up for the fact that he’s packing some extra padding. While it’s nice that he cares about her as a person, why is he not allowed the slightest bit of sexual attraction? Why can’t guys like Bruce – overweight, crooked smile and all – be allowed to say, “Goddamn, I want to get laid tonight”? Why do they have to be treated as a punch line, as though the notion of a fat guy getting his freak on is somehow funny or worse, impossible? Why is this film even going this route – what is so fucking unbelievable about the concept that a guy that looks like Nick Frost could possibly have a woman attracted to him based solely on the outer package? It’s not an out-there concept.

Men that are overweight and outside of the typical social conventions of physical attractiveness are worthy of attraction, and we need to stop perpetuating that they somehow need to play second fiddle to the guy that looks like the magazine cover. Maybe we need to stop thinking about what society thinks is attractive and just feel our own attractions, or better yet, admit them out loud. Some of us like heavy, hairy guys; some prefer tall and slender over muscled. Some dig short and bald. There’s more than enough room for everyone at the desirability table, so let’s start empowering these men the same way that we empower our women: you’re attractive, and someone is most likely chomping at the bit for a chance with you, regardless of what Cosmo wants you to believe. So go be your dead sexy self, fellas.