There’s no nice way to say this: I love Road Trip. Yes, it’s dumb. Yes, it’s sexist and has some really stupid jokes and plot points. It does not stop me from loving this film. I don’t even feel that much guilt when I watch it. So in honor of it being the end of a bitterly cold winter month, here’s some of the reasons why Road Trip is a bit of a sweetheart to me.

Shouldn’t love you, but I do.

This exchange makes the whole movie for me:

“1600s? It says 1951.”
“Yeah, that’s the address. Wise ass.”

There are some not-so-nice people involved in college instruction… okay, make that teaching in general. The more accurate term is “predatory”. Creepy teacher’s assistant Jacob (Anthony Rapp) typifies some of the crap with which college students have to contend. The stalker who threatens to flunk a rival out of class (and college) in order to be closer to the object of his obsession… that’s entirely too real for some women (and men for that matter). Rapp’s perfectly believable too.

Seann William Scott is so great at playing a smart ass prick. He really does play a pig to perfection, and manages to do it in a way that makes you actually kind of like the character. When you wind up liking a dude you wouldn’t normally talk to, someone’s done a good job. I don’t know if anyone else does this, but for certain characters, I wonder sometimes what they’re up to years later. You totally know that E.L. is a hedge fund manager that has managed to talk his way out of at least two prison sentences.

He sees the light.

Josh (Breckin Meyer) would drive any sane girl bonkers in real life. The constant phone calls, the videos; I don’t even want to think about what else he would do. Could you picture this dude with a Skype account and GPS? Christ. I can’t even. But looking beyond that, I have to admit that it’s nice to see someone that’s actually invested in a relationship. There are some guys out there that really do want to be a part of something, and are willing to go the distance. And just like that, I kind of hate myself for defending Josh.

I will eternally love D.J. Qualls for this role. The character has surprising depth: he goes from a timid, socially awkward chronic masturbator (and noted animal lover, in a manner of speaking) with daddy issues to a young man that can stand on his own two feet and defend himself. I’m willing to forgive the bestiality references in favor of the Atari T-shirt (which I totally need to find, because the shade of orange alone is perfect and it’s fucking Atari. Atari forever, peeps.). That he also gets with Rhonda (Mia Amber Davis) is a nice touch, too. Davis is the most gorgeous woman in this film, and out of everyone, I’m really glad that Kyle got the pretty girl (not much of an Amy Smart fan). Good things come to those who wait.

The Eels. Supergrass. Twisted Sister. The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. It’s got Ween and Run DMC, for fuck’s sake! How can you not love this?!

I want to drive a bus for the blind on a road trip. Someone, please make this happen for me. I will supply the Twizzlers and Mountain Dew. It will be a magical journey.

Let this be a lesson to never, ever fuck with a waiter under any circumstances. I’ve known many wait staff and can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that those people put up with an unbelievable amount of shit. To watching someone complain about something tiny and then have food carried around in the waiter’s underwear… yeah, just be nice to your waiter. You don’t want to know some of the stories that come out of the food industry. Scrape the damn powdered sugar off yourself.

Don’t be an ass to your waiter.

A hotel run by Andy Dick. The all-black fraternity. Barry’s grandparents (heh… the Manilows…). Really, who the hell wouldn’t love to stay with Jack Manilow? Now I want blueberry pancakes.