By now, you’ve probably guessed that I’m not only wearing my bitch pants, but that they’re three sizes too small and are making me uncomfortable. How are we going to fight this, you ask? We’re going to watch another trailer! In the grand tradition of action-adventure films, Pacific Rim is getting a sequel. Here’s the trailer for Pacific Rim: Uprising.
Okay, seriously, what the hell is this movie about?! I know that it features Jaegers. I know that it stars John Boyega. I know that there’s going to be Kaiju fights, but I know nothing else. Yes, I get that it’s a teaser trailer. Yes, I get that this is a pretty standard sequel. But you have to woo me a little more. You have to at least show me a fucking monster, people. Give me something. You can’t just say, “Hey, we’re going to do some stuff, you should come watch.” You know what two things can get away with that? Star Wars and Monica Bellucci. The last time I checked, this film wasn’t Star Wars, and Monica was nowhere to be seen. For a film that saw its male lead get replaced with Scott Eastwood (who I deeply dislike in that “stay the fuck away from my drink at the bar, asshole” side eye kind of knee-jerk reaction) and a directing departure from Guillermo del Toro, to say I am concerned by this trailer is an understandment. So I’ll say what we’re all thinking: please don’t suck. Please. I’m asking nicely, as someone who loves both Kaiju films and the original Pacific Rim – please let there be more than this.