Oh Crypt TV, oh Crypt TV, I really love your short films…. (please read that to the tune of “Oh Tannenbaum.”)

I loathe the elf of the shelf. I never had the patience. Most days, I had that moment of redirecting my children while I hastily moved the elf around, breathing a sigh of relief that they didn’t burst into tears because the elf hadn’t left and they had been good. I truly don’t get the people that are all into it and have to come up with fun and interesting ways to get the elf into mischief. No one is cleaning that shit up but you, peeps. Nevermind the whole preparation for a totalitarian government.

So yes, short films. Crypt TV has done it again with a look at what could go wrong when you’re a really crappy babysitter on Christmas Eve with a child that has a demonically charged elf. Here’s Elf on the Shelf.

I still hate that little bastard, even if he’s the homicidal watchmen of shit-upon children. And really, what the hell is with the parents going out on Christmas Eve? And could you please spare the kid a slice of pizza? And whose kid under the age of 13 gets a bedroom in the basement? Honestly, I would have found it way funnier in a grim sort of way if the elf had stayed regular size and gone on a killing spree, then rode off with a Barbie doll under the tree. But that’s just me.

Happy Saturday.