Crypt TV productions are known for being higher quality than some. That’s not to say that all independent shorts shot without much budget are bad – quite the contrary, it’s art at its finest when we get to see what someone can do without a lot at their disposal. Still, sometimes, it’s nice to get dressed up and go out to a nice restaurant. At times like that, it’s good to hobble on over (because we don’t run) to Crypt to see what’s cooking. I was in the mood for some fine dining this week, so I picked a Crypt offering at random. Here’s writer/director Jesse Burks’s 2017 short film One Please.

There’s good reason why people like to create nightmares around these apple-pie perfect slices of Americana: apple pie perfect slices of Americana are enough to give you the fucking willies. Beautiful, wide-eyed children that don’t say anything? A mother that’s cooking dinner serenely? A mother that’s going to let you get ice cream from the ice cream truck while she’s making dinner?! Given, Michael Berryman is creepy in this (and I sincerely hope that in real life, he’s a giant teddy bear stuffed with unicorn kisses, ugly Christmas sweaters and taffy) and it’s well-shot, but the scariest part by far is the fact that everything looks so clean, no one talks, and the kids basically rule the parents. You know what happened when I asked for ice cream from the ice cream truck as a kid? I was told we had popsicles in the freezer. Want to know what happened when I asked for a snack before dinner? I was told no. No one cut their fingers off so that I could have ice cream we couldn’t afford right before dinner. No way. Add in that all anyone does is smile and bleed, and the piece takes on a skillful tone that criticizes both the placating of children and the need to give of yourself for a child’s creature comforts. I mean, really, is a creamsicle worth part of your hand so you don’t have to deal with a tantrum?

On that note, happy Saturday.