One Year

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This is it. We’ve made it to the one-year mark. Huzzah!

To celebrate, I’m going to shove you down memory lane, dammit. The Babadook is one of my favorite horror films of the past decade. I deeply enjoyed it, if only because it took a long, hard look at motherhood and the things we try not to say.

I’m with you, Samuel.

As I’m fairly proud of this particular piece, I decided to jazz it up a bit with pictures, as the blogger this time last year was still very, very green and hadn’t quite gotten the hang of things. Click here to see the updated piece on The Babadook.

Once again, from me to you: thank you for coming on this journey with me. Here’s to many more sessions of me overanalyzing and complaining.

Dah Fuq? Some FAQ Regarding Polyamory

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This has nothing to do with film, but it’s something I’ve been quizzed about as a direct result of the piece I did on Trainwreck.

A few weeks ago, I completed the rest of my transition into a fully outed life and came out as poly. The damnedest thing happened: people started asking me questions, and not as a way to gain salacious details. Nope, they were genuinely interested in my world. I’ve gotten questions that are well-intentioned, and the folks asking have done so by prefacing any statement as, “I hope you don’t think I’m stupid/nosy, but I want to know…” It occurred to me that if someone wanted to educate him or herself, I was up for honest answers, especially when that someone was willing to risk mild embarrassment by asking. Here are the most popular questions I’ve been asked in the past few weeks.

Have a rainbow unicorn. On the house.
Q: So when you say open marriage, what do you mean?

A: First off, it’s not cheating. Let’s clear that up right away. Cheating is a different sport altogether: there’s lying and lack of respect, and that’s not being open at all. Open is a conscious decision made with the consent of the two people in the relationship; cheating is the exact opposite. Don’t confuse the two just because there’s sex going on with someone other than the spouse on the legal document.

There are many permutations of being open. For some, it means that there’s a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy: everyone plays dumb and looks the other way; no one asks questions, and no one volunteers information. A great example of this is the freedom to sleep with someone while you’re on a business trip, so long as it’s kept quiet. Another variation of open gives freedom to just one half of the couple, e.g., the female half of a duo has lovers while the other half is content to stay put. Some are full-on swingers that engage in casual partner swapping; others prefer a single kink partner that fulfills a need that the primary partner cannot (or is simply unwilling to try due to comfort constrictions), such as dominance/submission dynamics. Others go full-on polyamory (poly for short), which is the development of a full relationship with multiple partners. Even then, polyamory has different facets: some poly couples live together, some live as one huge family complete with children with different partners, and others are more casual in terms of their dating by establishing a type of hierarchy (wherein there is a primary spouse and a secondary partner).Really, at the end of the day, it all depends upon the rules set up by the couple. Me? I’m poly, and my rules are simple: honest and safe. Don’t lie about what you’re doing and wrap it so that no one gets any gifts that keep on giving. I’m a relationship girl at heart. I like dating as opposed to a revolving door. No judgment toward those that like casual arrangements; just my comfort level. I really like the intimacy of a relationship. And for the record: it’s not for everyone. It’s a ton of work. Each couple comes to its own conclusion on rules, and if you decide it’s not for you, that’s perfectly fine.

 

Q: Are you going to sleep/flirt with my husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife?

A: Some people have an anything goes mentality; I, however, do not. If your marriage/relationship is closed e.g., monogamous), then absolutely not. Contrary to popular belief, I do have some self control; the only place I lack self control is when someone places cheesecake in front of me (seriously, if you do that, I can’t guarantee your safety). This goes back to my core rules: honest and safe, with emphasis on the first part. I have enough respect for someone to not treat that person as a dirty secret, nor do I wish to be treated as one in return. This means affairs. Someone who isn’t fully out as poly is one thing; I can be patient and understanding with that, having gone through the process myself. It’s tough because you get judged, and you have to build up to that level of transparency, especially when there’s potential for lifelong relationships (siblings, parents, friends, etc.) to go belly up as a result of someone else’s hangup. Where I draw the line is a request for an affair. Someone deceiving a partner to get in my pants is another beast altogether, and I don’t play those kinds of games. So don’t worry that I’m going to make a play for your spouse. I respect you, your partner and your committment to being monogamous far too much to let something like a sex drive come between that. I value my friendships far too much.

Which isn’t to say that an insecure spouse hasn’t drummed up unfounded ideas before, and boy are those doozies. I’ve been told in the past that I’m too pretty to be someone’s friend, or that “it’s only a matter of time” before I try something when there is nothing going on. To that extent, there is something which all poly folks want to say to those possessive types: get over yourself. Take a long look in the mirror and figure out why you’re so unhappy rather than trying to accuse others of being out to steal your man or woman.

 

Q: Are all bi people poly/open?

A: Not everyone. Me, personally, yes. But avoid generalizations. Especially when it comes to being both bi and poly/open: most of the time, the two are paired together in a way that insinuates that bisexuals can’t possibly have the capacity to be monogamous, which is rude and disrespectful on a multitude of levels. So don’t go there, because for the bi men and women that already get marginalized – and let me tell you, we more than get our share of abuse and dumbass statements – there’s already an uphill battle about defining who we are and what we do. Just as I wouldn’t make assumptions about you, don’t make assumptions about an entire group of people.

Q: How long have you been poly?

A: Since I was five. My first boyfriend was actually a pair of boys that knew full well about each other. I liked them both for different reasons: one was funny, the other was smart, and while vastly different physically, they were both cute to me. I liked them for different reasons; they made different parts of me happy, which made sense to me. I was told that “that’s not how it’s done.” From there, I tried to focus on one person at a time, and I did it for quite a while. I didn’t cheat, but I also felt kind of fake deep down. Falling in love with more than one person at a time is very confusing if you’re trying hard to be monogamous; there’s guilt and self-loathing, and you ask yourself, “Why am I not like other people?” Once I learned that there was a word for how I was wired, it made sense. I’ve met more people that are the same way, and it’s made me realize that I’m not wrong; I’m just different. And that’s okay. I’m just more comfortable now with being able to love different people at the same time. It’s natural to me.

Q: How many people do you have in a relationship at a time?

A: Some people are really adventurous and have upwards of four or five relationships at once. Personally, I stick to just one outside of the guy to which I’m married. Anything more than that seems exhausting to try to maintain without a huge plot of land and commune-like conditions. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, and for all I know, I could wind up loving three or four people at the same time on a farm in the middle of nowhere someday. For all I know, I could decide to close my relationship someday. Point is, never say never. At the current moment, I’m at a two-person limit.

Q: Is it hard to split your time and heart?

A: For me, love isn’t about treating your partner like a possession: it’s about letting that person decide that he or she wants to be with you; it’s freedom. Likewise, for me, it’s natural to love more than one person at a time. I don’t think that one person can fulfill every last need. Different people are going to make you happy in different ways, and it’s okay to admit that out loud. It’s never been hard for me to love those different aspects based on that mindset alone.

That being said, scheduling and communication are both key to success. If you’re not talking, you’re going to fall off the same page, and frankly, it’s inhuman to expect anyone to read your mind to determine your needs. Likewise, you have to make time for everyone, whether it’s scheduled or a quick line that you’re dropping just because. Do little things to let the other person know you care. Keep communicating and making time, and you’ll go far.

 

Q: Do you get jealous?

A: Of course; jealousy is natural. It’s what you do with it that matters. Bottle it up, and it will cause a harmful explosion. Talk about how you’re feeling, and you can work through it to make yourself into something better: someone more confident and honest. Do I love being home alone on Saturday nights? Not always. But there are other things I get to do with my husband that combat that, and it makes those evenings not so bad. That makes the date nights I have all the more special. You value your time because it’s given, not because it’s there by default. Talk about it when it bugs you, but don’t place demands. All about perspective.

Q: Why isn’t everyone out?

A: The world is not always kind to people in open relationships, from custody cases to social stigma. While the world is becoming safer (more on that in a minute), it’s still not entirely accepting. And let’s face it, there are some serious creeps that prey upon someone who isn’t in the most accepted of relationship types. There’s a lot of abuse out there, from pressuring someone into a sex act or emotional battery, and where there’s an abuser, there’s someone who will point and say, “What did you expect when you slut around like that? It’s your fucking fault.” Somehow, any little thing that happens to you is your own damn fault because you’re not normal, and so most people don’t speak up when bad things happen to them. The good news is that if you’re more open-minded, you make it easier for people to be out, and you can see that they deserve to feel upset, sad or betrayed when things aren’t so great, just like everyone else. We’re not scandalous; we’re people.


Q: Do your kids know?
A: No, but that’s mostly due to age-appropriateness and the level of my relationships. They know I’m bi, but I have not yet introduced them to a partner outside of my marriage. You don’t get to meet my kids unless if we’re really serious. That introduction policy could be applied to anyone dating with kids in the picture. You have to think of them, their feelings and their attachments. That being said, I did come close, once, but no.

Q: What’s it like when you break up with someone?

A: Same as it is when you break up with someone: it fucking sucks. That being said, I cannot say this enough: having a solid, accepting support system meant the world to me. Giving a hug, listening, letting me put my shattered self back together… it’s wonderful to know that even though you can’t see the good in yourself, other people can. Not only that, they actively believe in you and thank you for being in their lives, just for being you. If nothing else, try to be like this. It means more than you know. I’m getting there with the unwavering support of some truly loving people. If you’re lucky enough to have friends like that, you can survive anything. Even yourself.

If there’s anything I missed, please feel free to contact me at backseatdriverreviews@gmail.com

My Own Two Feet: Self Sufficiency and Community in Spirited Away

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Hayao Miyazaki’s Spirited Away is often sited as a study in the transition from childhood to adulthood. In this respect, the criticism is well-founded: throughout our story, Chihiro/Sen (voiced by Daveigh Chase) transitions from whiny child to self-confident, mature young lady, and her metamorphsis is a joy to watch. However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that Spirited Away isn’t entirely about Chihiro; rather, it emphasizes those around her just as much, from communal acceptance to the support they provide her in order to meet her goals. This takes the meaning of the film in a different direction rather than a coming-of-age story: Chihiro needs to accept the support of her community in order to fully succeed, making her personal growth and development indicative of the need to belong to a society.

Love this film unconditionally.

 

When the film first starts off, Chihiro is dependent upon others to the point of being too scared to do anything on her own, and with good reason. Chihiro must be dependent on others because she’s in a position that is not yet ready to be completely self-reliant. She’s understandably upset at the prospect of moving: she has to abandon her old life, and for a child, that’s exceedingly difficult because her ability to escape (whether it’s a drive, a trip to the store, or going to the movies) is severely limited by whether or not her parents can accomodate her. In this sense, she’s stuck with just them, and that explains her terror when her parents first go missing: they are all that she has in the world, and they’re suddenly gone. Even adults struggle with the absence of a parent. With her parents gone, Chihiro must find someone else to care for her, and so this leads her to rely upon Haku (Jason Marsden, who had the perfect voice for this role) and Kamajii (David Ogden-Stiers). Haku assists her in literally existing: he has to feed her some food of the spirit world to prevent her from disappearing. After that, he directs her to Kamajii, who has the power to help her secure work. Make no mistake: without the help of either of these two characters, our story would end. She needs these people in order to survive; she simply cannot do this on her own because she lacks the know how to navigate the spirit world.

 

It’s when Chihiro, as Sen, is accepted into the community of the bathhouse that she truly demonstrates the growth necessary to becoming a fully-functioning individual. Make no mistake, Chihiro does not accomplish her goals entirely on her own, which means that she still needs others in order to succeed. Kamajii vouches for her to get a job from Yubaba (Suzanne Phleshette). Lin (Susan Egan) has to show her how to perform the physical labor necessary to avoid beatings and starvation in the bathhouse. No Face gives her the bath tokens she requires when the Foreman refuses to offer her service in an odd type of racism. However, it’s the way that Sen accepts this assistance that helps her find her voice. She has to prove that she’s willing to help the enchanted soot carry its coal as a demonstration of her committment to finishing something she starts. She continually asks for a job from Yubaba and obtains one, refusing to cry even though she’s scared. She asks Lin for clarification on her duties and is rewarded with kind words and offers of help, ranging from obtaining food to helping her with the River Spirit. In fact, the River Spirit brings me to the perfect symbolism of her acceptance: at first given the most unsavory job, she is then aided by everyone and lauded for her efforts. It’s her determination and professionalism that mark her as dedicated, which brings riches to all. Sen proves herself to be an asset, and as such, she is accepted and more readily assisted in her journey, from the rest of the bathhouse employees to Kamajii to Lin. And as more time passes, she is able to gain the confidence to stand on her own when she needs to, such as refusing to give in to No Face during his massive eating binge, or standing up to Boh (Tara Strong) when she desperately needed to help Haku.

 

Sense of self is greater than sweet moolah.

 

In order to become stronger, Chihiro needed to undergo a transformation of the self that included her assimiliation into society to forge something stronger that was already in herself. If you look at the character structure of Chihiro (荻野 千尋), you’ll notice that it contains the character for Sen (千), which means that the basis for her stronger, more confident identity was within her all along. However, it needed a catalyst in order to come out, and this catalyst was the communal acceptance of her by others. Chihiro couldn’t raise herself, especially not with parents that were more focused on their own wants (new job, the need to overeat) and unreliable methods of compensation (e.g., her father’s insistence that he could use cash and credit cards to square up his food bill). At first, Chihiro clung to those that wanted to help her (her parents, Haku), but then, she had to make situational decisions that caused her to step outside of that comfort zone. In reward for reaching a new milestone, she was rewarded with friendships and further assistance. This allowed her to go further and further each time until she became the assured character that stood up to Boh’s physical threats. In a defining moment, Sen tells Boh of his refusal to leave, “Staying in here will make you sick!” Boh represents the dangers of pacification and isolation: he’s afraid of germs in the outside world, which makes him terribly lonely, and he warns that if he doesn’t get his way, he’ll cry and his mother will kill Sen. Sen steadfastly refuses to cave to the demands, and instead winds up bringing him on an adventure that proves that he can stand up to his mother as well. Thus the transformation is complete: she is able to show someone else that if he goes outside of his comfort zone and makes an effort to engage with others rather than demanding that they come to him, he will be rewarded with rich friendships.

 

Sometimes, you have to accept the help that’s offered willingly.

 

During a moment of uncertainty and fear, Zeniba comforts Sen with the gift of a magic hairtie, telling her, “It will protect you. It’s made from the threads your friends wove together.” A brief line, but a rather moving metaphor for the theme of the film: let others in. Let them help you find yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it rather than demand that others do the heavy lifting right away. And above all else, know that where there are friends, you will always be safe.

Coming This Week: Birthday Week!

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On Wednesday the 13th (sounds ominous), The Backseat Driver Reviews celebrates its one-year anniversary.

Cake by yourself really is living the dream.

We’re going to get animated this week. Literally, we’re doing animation and what it says about selfhood in both Spirited Away and Hotel Transylvania 2. The recommendation for the weekend isn’t animated, but it does deal with notions of selfhood and identity. As an added bonus, I’m also going to repost the very first piece I did on this blog, with pictures no less.

I’m also going to post a follow-up based on the post I did about Trainwreck, which has nothing to do with film. Long story short: I got asked a lot of questions about being in an open marriage, so I did a Q&A piece to cover the ones I got the most frequently – everything you’ve ever wanted to know but didn’t want (or were too embarrassed) to ask. That will be up on Tuesday. And no, there aren’t any smutty stories. This girl doesn’t kiss and tell.

Basically, it’s going to be a whirlwind of self-discovery.

I would like to say this: for every person that has read this blog, offered support, or helped me clarify an idea… thank you. From the top of my head to the ends of my outstreched arms to the tips of my toes, thank you. I’ve made some extraordinary friends, have gotten the chance to write for some great publications, and had the opportunity to converse with filmmakers I admire. This has been a hell of a year both personally and creatively, and I thank you for joining me on it. And so I offer you a story: one year ago, a friend of mine asked me, in an unhappy moment when I felt lost, what made me happiest in the world. I said watching movies and talking about them. He told me to do that, and not to focus on anything other than doing what made me happy: no money, no wild dreams of publication. Just have fun and be happy, because I deserved that. A few months ago, I paid it forward and asked the same question to someone else. My message to all of you: pick the thing that makes you happy and go for it. Don’t give up. Keep doing it because it brings a smile to your face. Everyone deserves joy.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Saturday Shorts: Misplaced

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Some days, I really hate my phone. I greatly dislike that I’ve grown so dependent upon it: it dictates my alarms, my appointments, how often I’m in contact with others. Like a sucker, I keep using it; I can always say no. Which means that when I’m without it, I feel a little lost. Bearing that in mind, here’s a fun short horror flick brought to us by Leo Jeorge Bautista, entitled Misplaced.

Click here for Misplaced.

Weren’t expecting that, huh?

Thematically, this one is straight forward, so let’s look at the technical aspects. First and foremost: this is literally dark. Not a ton of bright light going on here, which annoyed me when our female lead was at the kitchen table on her laptop. It added to the mood, but it was also a bit of a stretch in terms of real-life application. Seriously, who is that big of a creeper that you’re sitting in the dark at your kitchen table on your laptop? That can be brushed aside, though, as Bautista employed a fun effect: quick movement from one area (outside and behind a closed door) to another (behind the curtains on the interior of the apartment). It was nicely edited so that it was seamless. The impact was a series of creepy jump scares. I enjoyed this one.

One last note: if anyone uses “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” as a ringtone, I will fucking slap the living shit out of you. And on that note, happy Saturday.

Weekend Movies: Five Reasons to Watch Election

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In a rare moment of politics here, I will say flat out that this election cycle scares the living shit out of me. Really, our stacked deck of political cards has become ever-so-clear in the Democratic party, and the rampant extremism of the Republican party has created a monster. Really, I can’t bring myself to re-read Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale because it feels a bit too real of a direction that we’re heading. I am fearful for the outcome of all of this on global, domestic, and personal levels. So how does one keep sane during times like this? Through screwball comedy loaded with social commentary, of course. Why not go big and go for 1999’s Election? Here are five reasons to head on over to Netflix and watch it this weekend.

So much inappropriate humor.

 

#1 – I hate Reese Witherspoon

The fuck kind of reason is that, Erin? you may think to yourself. Simple: I can’t stand Reese Witherspoon. She’s too perky, and she cares way too much about the persona she projects to the public. I don’t trust her. Which makes her the absolutely perfect actress to play Tracy Flick, the goody-goody, overachieving, obnoxious front runner of the class president race. You love to hate Tracy. An actress that I can’t stand playing her? Genius.

#2 – Bueller becomes Rooney

Watching Matthew Broderick’s Jim McAllister plot against a conniving student is funny on its own. Then take a step back and remember Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, wherein Broderick’s Bueller made Mr. Rooney’s life a living hell. The tables are turned here, and we’re left with a metajoke: Ferris has become Ed. Somewhere, Ed Rooney is laughing hysterically and he doesn’t know why. We’re all in on the joke, and to a certain extent, I think Broderick is as well.

Role reversal, your table is ready for you to be seated.

 

#3 – The dialogue

The shit that comes flying out of some of these characters’ mouths, I tell ya. You are not expecting it. I’m oing to warn you right now: take a lesson from your old pal Auntie Erin and don’t drink anything while you’re watching this. You will spit it out, I can promise you that. Between the actual words spoken to other characters and the inner monolouges, your jaw will drop in surprise at least a half a dozen times. It’s like having dinner with an old woman that has zero shits left to give. Equal parts horrifying and awesome.

#4 – The politics behind electioneering

I’m too lazy to campaign for anything. Some days, even saying, “I’d rather have tacos for dinner” is far too much work for me. So to watch the energy that goes into a student election… I don’t understand why anyone would want to subject themselves to that much extra effort. You’re not getting paid for this, you have no life, and you’re being pushed to the brink of sanity. No thanks. I can, however, appreciate you a bit more. It’s a little too consuming for my blood.

Pick Flick!

 

#5 – The injuries

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it’s hysterical. If you like watching someone get the crap kicked out of him, this one has some satisfying moments.

 

So kick back, relax, and try to forget about this impending November with a walk through high school. Cold comfort, but I’ll take it.

Talk to the Hand: The Marriage of Physical and Mental in Vampire Hunter D

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I’ve always found Vampire Hunter D to be a relaxing experience. Don’t know if it’s the soundtrack, the dark tones or the voice acting of the cast, but each and every time I watch it, I find myself strangely at ease. Quite possibly, it has to do with a theme I’ve followed over the years: the connection of the body and the mind. Curiously, Vampire Hunter D manages to not only work to drive a wedge in between the body and the mind, but to unify them as something inextricable through the character of D’s Left Hand.

The Left Hand of D just sounds wrong.

 

Before we get to D’s Left Hand, we first need to address how D conducts himself. D is a man of few words, who chooses a calm, cool, collected persona in order to get through daily life. The necessity for this behavior is due in part to the rejection he faces as a dhampir: as the half-human, half-vampire offspring, he represents something that doesn’t quite belong in either world. His unnatural beauty marks him as different from the humans, and his supernatural ability far surpasses that of the vampires and monsters, as he easily overpowers and outwits them. He has the potential to be a unifying factor – his very existence speaks to the convergence of two opposing worlds. With his beauty, strength and endurance, D could be argued as a representation of the great good that can be born of the union between two warring factions. From the physical perfection to the heightened abilities to his sense of moral justice, D is the perfect marriage of humanity and the supernatural. However, D rejects this union just as soundly as the human beings reject him. Hell, even the supernatural beings view him as a threat due to his immortal tenacity. As such, D turns to vampire hunting, which can be construed as a self-loathing practice on his behalf. It says quite a bit that this beautiful, talented being remains silent to avoid rejection by humans while killing the supernatural beings that are the root of his rejection in that world.

 

Enter D’s Left Hand, who serves as the antagonist. D’s Left Hand doesn’t have a name, but he functions as the personification of the harsh mental truths that D does not wish to address or even accept, making him into a character that is both connected and divided. D’s Left Hand is an entire personality all his own (I’m going to call him Lefty from now on): more talkative, joking with a gallows humor that appeals to the audience far more than to D. Lefty points out his attraction to Doris, which D refuses to act upon out of fear that he will harm her. However, D receives a needling treatment from his appendage that points more so at his inner nature and neuroses: “Your behavior to say the least has been a bit odd of late. Protecting a girl you hardly know. Having man to man talks with her little brother? You’re not in love with her, are you?… Ah yes, I forgot, she did offer herself to you, didn’t she? But all you’re interested in is killing vampires. Killing, bloodshed, destruction – that’s your destiny. You may envy human emotions and yearn to share the warmth of another’s heart, but you think it’s impossible for a man like you to fall in love.” This is delivered with a taunting tone, as though goading him into action. In a sense, Lefty is testing D: if D takes the bait, he has a chance at a happier life, with the ability to give in to his own desires serving as a test to achieve a sense of happiness. D doesn’t buy it, though, and the impact is felt by the observer with what’s unsaid: D struggles with his own physical nature, and thus denies himself the mental benefits of feelings and relationships. Lefty feels the need to remind him of this, attempting, in essence, to get D to face his inner demons. “No matter how you may deny it, you’ll always show your fangs in the end,” Lefty tells him after the battle with The Three Sisters. “It’s in your blood, I recall.” Lefty thus represents the grim, undeniable truth: try as he might, D will have to answer to that part of him that beckons for something else while the rest of him denies the response.

 

We love ya, Lefty.

 

So while the D and Lefty are on opposite ends of the physical, personality, and mental spectra, they create a symbiosis in order to survive. D represents the restraint necessary to live a life of rejection: he’s quiet, he’s old, and he does not need to engage in a relationship because he has a job to do for the sake of the greater moral good. Lefty, on the other hand (see what I did there?), feels the need to continually point out the ruth, even if it makes D uncomfortable. This places the two in complete opposition to each other: one wishes to forget and forge on in the physical world, while the other remains predominantly hidden from the world while effectively terrorizing the mental blocks that his other half has erected. What unifies them is their dependency upon each other: they need each other to survive in more ways than one. D needs Lefty to survive the fatal fight against Rei, and Lefty needs D because otherwise, he’s just a disembodied hand. In the face of a mist monster after a stake attack, Lefty manages to use his abilities to defeat the threat and reattach himself in order to keep D alive. “What would you do without me?” Lefty asks, then quickly adds, “Don’t answer that.” D, however, needs this company from Lefty, despite that Lefty wants to broach subjects D does not wish to address. Lefty’s points force D to fight even harder against his nature, which allows him to continue being the hero that everyone needs.

 

One needs the other, and vice versa.

 

During one particular conversation between the pair, Lefty poses a point on the inevitability of fighting one’s nature: “Why do you refuse to accept what you are? It’s pointless, you know.” D responds in kind: “I warn you, another word and I’ll slice you off.” Rather than continue to goad, Lefty lets it go, for he knows that he’ll have plenty of opportunities another day. After all, they need each other. And with the fact that they’re immortal, they’re going to need each other for a while, much as we need our own bodies and minds to connect in order to function as a cohesive unit.

Whatever Keeps You Happy: May MacKenzie in So I Married An Axe Murderer

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So I Married An Axe Murderer is one of those films that has a cult following amongst friends, and a “what the fuck are you talking about” reaction from everyone else. Is the plot out there? Yes. Are there plot holes? Yes. Is it predictable? Oh gods yes. However, its humor is nice and stupid, and I happen to really like the fact that Anthony LaPaglia can’t keep a straight face. It’s also got Steven Wright to boot, but that’s beside the point. What amazes me each and every time I watch it is the coping mechanism May MacKenzie (Brenda Fricker) uses in order to keep herself functioning in a marriage to a really crappy human being: the creepy sexual aggression she displays toward LaPaglia’s Tony.

This whole movie is a sad statement on relationships.

 

May’s husband Stuart (Mike Meyers in a dual role) is not a warm and fuzzy guy, which makes you question of her marriage is a happy one. Stuart is, how shall we say… cranky. Some would openly call him a dick. He walks around shouting at everyone and everything. He believes in out-there conspiracy theories, accusing Colonel Sanders of drugging his chicken in order to drum up business. He drinks quite a bit, which can be attributed to cultural preferences. This is harmless enough – certainly entertaining for the viewers – but then he manages to step into abusive territory. He belittles his children at every turn, which takes a turn for the disturbing if you stop and think about it. Son William (Matt Doherty, who will forever be Averman to me) is nicknamed Head on account of the size of his noggin, with his father acknowledging at one point that one of his cutting remarks will likely have the preteen boy crying himself to sleep that night; however, no apology is offered, which means that the behavior is going to continue with the child’s feelings being ignored. Charlie doesn’t fare much better: his father refers to him as a girl, attacking his closeness with his mother as the young man makes conversation with her. The act of even talking to his mother renders harlie less of a man in the eyes of his father. Argue generational gap all you like, but it’s a suck-ass move for a dad to treat his son that way. What does May do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is no raging at her husband. There is no dramatic slap or speech about how she won’t stand for her boys to be treated that way. We don’t even get a quiet, “Why do you have to be that way?” There is nothing in this film that we see that suggests that she takes a stand for her children. Effectively, May becomes the wallflower that just accepts the shit hand that’s been dealt.

 

Everyone knows at least one couple that has a total piece of shit on one half of the equation.

Except for one thing: May acts upon her attraction to a much younger man. Up until one crucial moment, we see May as a sweet, slightly misguided woman: one that reads The Weekly World News as gospel, one that cooks for her family, one that wants to see her son married and settled. We’re with May up until this point; we like her and we feel badly that she’s married to a jackass. May’s got a chance to fill the niche of the long-suffering wife in the comedy. And then we get the kiss goodbye after dinner, and May goes in for the kill. In full view of her son and drunken husband, May forces Tony into a full-on snog that makes him visibly uncomfortable. It’s not just Tony that gets uncomfortable either: Charlie averts his eyes and uncomfortably clears his throat. When faced with his mother making unwanted advances against his friend, Charlie literally looks the other way. Is this due to social convention, or is rooted in the shock that this is the first time this has happened? Interestingly enough, it happens again, as May gets emboldened at Charlie’s wedding and attempts to grope Tony through his kilt at the reception during a dance. Tony protests this time around, and he leaves the dance floor in order to stop this. Charlie doesn’t seem to notice; in fact, no one at the wedding seems to notice that a married woman is attempting to grind a groomsman on the dance floor in full view of everyone else. Tony, for his part, behaves like a female victim of unwanted sexual advance: he doesn’t call her on it publicly, and he removes himself from the situation, hoping it will go away. It’s textbook, and it’s just as wrong when it happens to a man as it is when it happens to a woman.

The interesting part of this scenario stems from the reaction that no one says a peep in order to stop May’s unwanted behavior. This gives the comedy a far darker aspect: it’s banking on the fact that no one is going to say a damn word about what she’s doing because it will rock the boat, which allows the behavior to not only continue, but intensify. We saw May move from a kiss to an ass grab. What is the next interaction going to bring? Logic tells us that this is only going to increase in its sexually aggressive nature, as the pattern has demonstrated in the past. Tony does not tell her no; rather, he walks away, which is a typical victim reaction when receiving unwanted attention from someone. Charlie doesn’t tell his mother to stop either, and she doesn’t read the social cues that this is non-consenual. If the genders on this interaction were reversed, we’d be angry that this young woman was getting assaulted and intimidated by a predatory older man. This is not cool by any stretch of the imagination, so why is it allowed to continue? Is it because he’s married to a verbally abusive drunk? Is that the reward for years of being yelled at while her children are emotionally and verbally abused? Because the message this sends is pretty terrible: you’re not repsonsible for your actions if your spouse is a complete dick.

 

Way to let a predator get away with it.

 

This behavior makes May just as bad, if not worse, than Stuart. Stuart may yell and belittle, but everyone acknowledges what a pain in the ass he is. May, on the other hand, quietly accepts her role as the suffering wife until something pretty catches her eye. At that point, she feels entitled to go after it, whether the object of her affection wants the advance or not. And that, kids, is awful beyond a shadow of a doubt. If you’re that unhappy, change it. Don’t coerce someone into contact that he or she doesn’t want.

Coming This Week

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I’ll be honest: I haven’t a clue where I am thematically this week.

Honestly, no clue.

That being said, we’ve got some stuff lined up for the week that is simultaneously zany and disturbing. We’ll start off the week by looking at the predatory mother in So I Married an Axe Murderer. Next, we’ll head on over the Vampire Hunter D and examine just why we need a symbiotic smart ass to keep us grounded. We’ll round out the week with the only Reese Witherspoon role I can stand to date. So through your compass into the ocean and crack open a cold one with us.

Saturday Shorts: Closet Space

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I want you to go into this one with the same sense I did: completely blind. That being said, here’s a three-minute short called Closet Space, by David F. Sandberg and Lotta Losten:

Click here for Closet Space.

There are some excellent inside jokes for anyone that has seen the short Lights Out. From the dolls to the open/close technique, this one felt like a friend winking at you. I had a brief moment of shouting, “It’s Lotta Losten!” at my computer, which is always fun (sidenote: I love her outfit in this). From everything I’ve seen her in, I like Losten. She has a way about her that doesn’t make it look like she’s acting, and she conveys surprise very well (a rarity in the age of Botox/porn face actresses).

Let’s get down to technique. I thought that this short was the right length of time; it didn’t give us a chance to get bored, which meant that it had a sense of overstaying its welcome. Quite a few films lack that self-awareness under the guise of building tension, so it was refreshing. The unexpected payoff in the end also left enough hanging so that I was still pondering it after watching. I like it sometimes when the explanation isn’t there — in a sense, this leaves you open to the possibility that it could be caused by a vast multitude of different things, which made the whole thing all the more unsettling.

From me to you on a rainy day, happy Saturday.